Cue self-indulgent research about superfoods, chlorophyll, barley grass, etc., culminating in my finding Green Barley Plus and, reader, me buying it. Partly out of hope, partly out of spite aimed at my cereal-eating self. Three months later (and yes, I am still having cereal for dinner — it’s a long story), allow me to present you with my complete and unbiased review of Green Barley Plus. Get ready for it, because I’m going to have some tea.

What even is barley grass?

Ah yes, the most innocent question of them all!

Barley grass is simply the young grass of the barley plant, harvested before it reaches full maturity. In other words, it’s the teenager of the barley world, the prodigal son turned farmer. It’s loaded with vitamins, minerals, chlorophyll, and antioxidants, among other healthy nutrients.

Barley grass takes center stage in Green Barley Plus, where it’s been conveniently turned into a capsule. This, in itself, was half the reason for my purchasing it — trust me, I have had my share of green powder experiences where my kitchen turned into a chemistry lab, and my smoothies tasted like swamp water. With capsules, you pop them and go. No fuss, no muss.

First Impressions (and A Suspicious Smell)

I received the bottle and had my first dose with dinner, feeling very proud of myself. But since I am a curious creature and a slave to self-flagellation, I opened a capsule a few days later just to check it out

Reader, do not do this.

It smells like freshly cut grass — the kind of smell you get when you walk through a hayfield in June, only much more intense. My nephew, upon discovering the opened capsule, nick-named them my “Shrek pills” and, frankly, I cannot disagree.

How I Take It

One capsule with a big glass of water before breakfast, every day

, because, as they say, habits build on habits. My capsule lives in my coffee maker next to my mug — no, I do not take it with my coffee, I take it with a big glass of water. I find that once I’ve built that breakfast routine around coffee, it’s much easier to stick to it than trying to remember to take a vitamin first thing in the morning.

What I Noticed (and Didn’t Notice)

Let me be perfectly frank with you, because half the reviews I’ve seen about this product sound like it single-handedly got someone a promotion at work

and I do not want to sound like that.

For the first 1-2 weeks: nothing. I was fully prepared to come back to this review and say “it’s barley in a capsule” and be done with it. For the next 2-4 weeks: my digestion began to improve, in terms of regularity and ease. I was less bloated after meals, which, as a former beach ball with legs, was reassuring. For the next few months: my afternoon slump began to dissipate. Not that it entirely went away — I am still a firm believer in my 3 p.m. coffee ritual — but it was noticeably lighter and more manageable.

Honestly? There is not much else to say about what I noticed. I cannot entirely tell you that it was the barley that made me feel better — it could very well have been the fact that I started drinking more water or simply started eating breakfast regularly. Humans are fascinating creatures. Whatever it was, I felt good enough to keep doing it. What I did NOT notice was any change on the scale, which makes sense to me given the product’s marketing around weight-management. I do not think this is a scam, but I also do not think this is a magic pill. If you want to lose weight, please, go ahead and do what you need to do, but this is not it. (And if a company ever tells you that it will make you lose 10 lbs in a week, run. Run far, far away. It is almost certainly a scam.)

The Not-So-Fun Bits

It is not free, but that goes without saying. It is an indulgence, albeit a healthy one. Indulgences, as you may know, are not cheap. Especially when they’re recurring.

Consistency is key here. One week off and you’re right back to square one

The smell. We’ve discussed that.

It took me two weeks to feel even minutely better. Be patient, grasshopper. Patience is a virtue.

Other Little Things I Learned Along the Way

Pair it with something you already do every day.

Make sure to have a big glass of water.

Do not open the capsule — ever. Even for “science.”

If you are on any medications, or are pregnant/nursing, consult with your doctor before taking it. The same goes for people on blood thinners, since barley grass has vitamin K, which can interfere with them.

And finally — here is the real crux of the matter — would I recommend it? Let me tell you what I think.

I think Green Barley Plus is a nudge toward a healthier, happier you wrapped up in a capsule that smells suspiciously like freshly cut grass. It is a convenient way to add superfoods to your diet if you want it to be a part of your everyday life. If you want to feel a little healthier, a little happier, and a little more energetic every day, this is a good place to start. If you want a transformation, however, I would point you in the direction of actual vegetables. Or a blender, if you want to make your own green smoothies. No, blender was a joke — you will get tired of them after about three uses. Vegetables are trustworthy, healthy, and delicious — and when blended into smoothies, they make an excellent supplement to your daily diet. Final verdict: 4 out of 5 lawnmowers.

I am not a medical professional, so take this with a grain of salt (or maybe a capsule of barley grass, if you want to take it literally). I am just an ordinary person who bought this product and is telling you what I think. Your body is a wondrous, beautiful instrument that functions differently than anyone else’s, so take that into account when reading this review. When in doubt, consult a medical professional. Now, if you will excuse me, it is very close to 11:47 P.M. and my cereal is getting soggy. Same time next month?

— Your friendly neighborhood lawn-cutter 🌿